"Just Friends", Advice, Commitment, ex, Friendships, Jealousy, Relationships / Wednesday, December 7th, 2011 / BY / 3 comments

How To Be Friends With An Ex While In A Relationship

friendly-exes

When it comes to providing the best online relationship advice, I generally don’t condone the idea of being friends with an ex while being in a committed relationship.  The reason why I say this is because it can be extremely hard to be ‘just friends’ with someone you had an intimate connection with and when you are with somebody else, you can cause yourself some much unneeded drama.

However sometimes, it’s harder to cut someone out of your life completely especially when they were such a big part of your life in the past.  That’s why I have a set of boundaries and rules every woman should follow if they (or their boyfriends) are considering carrying on a friendship with a past lover.

1. Any Rule And Discussions About Said Rules Are Kept Private

First off, if you have come up with a set of boundaries and rules in regards to being friends with your exes with your current partner, keep it between the two of you.  Don’t confide in your friends or family or they will assume your relationship is in the pits and will accuse one of you of being too controlling.  No matter what anybody says, every couple has a set of rules and boundaries regarding their relationships…whether they are spoken or not.

2.  No Late Night Plans EVER!!

To be friends with an ex in a relationship, you should never meet up for late-night drinks and dinners and the same goes for phone communication and texting. There should be an unspoken curfew for interacting with an ex…because the later you hang out, the more chances you have with being tempted and forgetting about the love that should bring you home.

3. Always Be Honest When You See or Talk to Them

I don’t condone going into your partner’s email account or looking at his or her text messages, because if you have no trust, then you already have a bad foundation for a relationship.  When you are dating someone and you or your partner has an ex for a friend, you should always inform your significant other when you are going to hang out or when they call you.   This is not a spy tactic–but rather it is a trust building exercise.  The less you hide your friendship with your ex to your partner, the more likely they will not get overly insecure whenever their names comes up into conversation.

4. Generally See Your Ex During Public Outings and Functions

Rule of thumb: When it comes to an ex, you should never do the same things with them you would do with your current partner.  That means, no going to movies with just the two of you, never bring them as your plus one to a party and never just hang out at each other’s houses.  These occasions are reserved for your current partner.  Keep it to group outings or early afternoon coffee breaks.

5. If you ever find yourself falling for your ex, tell your current lover immediately.  They deserve the truth and don’t deserve being strung along.  If you don’t, you will make it harder in the long run and you will eventually break up.  Don’t be a cheater because that is the worst karma you can bring to yourself and any future relationships.

Readers: What do you think? Can exes be friends? Should there be rules? Comment below!

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  • http://1opinionatedwoman.blogspot.com/ Marsha S. Haneiph

    Love this! Also you should tell your new love if your close friend was once more than a friend. Guys hate it when they find out after the fact, that you used to date your bff.

    • Lopez

      I totally agree with that! I omitted details of a close guy friend I used to fool around with and I got in a lot of hot water…..

  • http://1opinionatedwoman.blogspot.com/ Marsha S. Haneiph

    Ouch!

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